What they neglect to tell you about love.

Hello there!

It's been awhile, and I've been real busy at work. I've taken up the temporary position for a marketing coordinator at SAFRA Punggol, which meant that I've been real busy with soft opening and what not. I've also been real busy with life in general, hence the hiatus. However, I finally found the time and mood to write again, so here goes nothing.

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Many times I've read people write online (especially on Tumblr) about love - romantic love, to be specific. People form stereotypes about romantic relationships based on personal experiences of others, often not having experienced such love themselves. Perhaps they never met the right person, or perhaps the stereotypes have built their walls so high up they refuse to open up at all.

But there are many times they neglect to tell you about love. Yes, I'm not the world expertise on romantic relationships, but I've had my go at love. And here's what I know they neglect to tell you, whenever they speak of such stereotypes.

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1. "When you love someone, you get butterflies in your stomach."

Indeed, it's a great feeling to feel. However, the feeling of getting butterflies in your stomach is equivalent to feeling anxious, flustered, and shy. You're helpless, and you wish you looked your best in front of them. However, this stereotype has definitely gone too far - people feel like they haven't met the right person unless they feel butterflies. Sometimes, they believe the spark is gone and the love is gone once they stop feeling the butterflies.

Here's what they neglected to tell you. The butterflies stop. Yes, in the beginning it's all butterflies and unicorns and sweet-smelling flowers. But they stop, after awhile. You stop feeling anxious whenever you met them, or twirl your hair in funny circles and pull the edge of your shirt to look neat because you got them all messy on the way. It's not a bad thing, because it doesn't mean the love stopped. It just means it got comfortable, and familiar, and warm.

You stop feeling anxious because you recognise that familiar dopey smile he never fails to wear each time you meet. You stop feeling flustered because his smell no longer makes your heart skip a beat, it calms you down on even the worst of days.  You stop pulling your shirt to look nice, because he's seen you in the ugliest sweatshirts and told you how much he loves you. You stop twirling your hair, because your hand is prepared to receive his.

You stop feeling butterflies. And it doesn't mean the love stopped, it just means that the love became a familiar scent that you don't ever have to forget. You stop feeling anxious, because he's not the excitement in your life - he's the constant calmness that holds your hand through any excitement you both encounter together. And that's not a bad thing, not a bad thing at all.

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2. "You can never be friends with your ex-lover."

Absolutely incorrect. Another common stereotype linked to this is - if you can be friends with your ex-lover, it can only mean one of two things: you still love him, or you never did.

It takes a girl/boy to cry and hate their ex-lover, to never speak of him/her again. It takes a man/woman to forgive them for whatever mistakes you both made, and realise that the friendship you've forged through the relationship is more worth keeping than losing.

Yes, in the beginning I do admit it's not possible to be friends. It takes time, and a lot of healing and effort. It takes a lot to wish your ex-lover "all the best" with their new ones, but you will get there. It takes two hands to clap, which means that the act of being friends again have to come from both ends. If one end still has feelings for the other, it will never work out.

However, if the both of you can admit to the failures of your relationship and cherish onto the success of your friendship, it could signify the start of a beautiful friendship. The conversations you shared and laughters you had during the course of the relationship? They weren't just meant for lovers, they were meant for the inner friendship building within as well. If both ends could channel that awkward feelings into the friendship, ex-lovers can find a way to be friends.

You just have to try, both of you. That's the only way to even begin.

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3. "If your friends/family don't like him/her, he/she is the wrong one."

No way, uh uh.

First things first, I do respect where that stereotype came from. It relates to the fact that the outsider will always see things clearer than the people involved. That's logically true, but awfully emotionally flawed. Indeed, outsiders do see things clearer. But they don't feel things better. In fact, they don't feel things at all.

When couples fight, they seek comfort in the people around them. They share the problems, because they have nobody else to talk to - their lover is in a fight with them. This leads to resentment and ill feelings of these friends/family of one end, toward the other. When couples are happily in love, that love and happiness is kept between themselves. There is no reason to go around flaunting your happiness, hence keeping it to yourselves. Therefore, the friends/families will only hear of your problems and not so much of your happy memories.

This thus lead to negative impressions, and them telling you that your significant other half isn't the right one for you. But here's what they neglected to tell you - they don't see him the way you do, and they don't feel for him the way you do. They see the times he made you cry, or the times he refused to give in to your whines about shopping. But you know what they don't see? They don't see him hitting his chest after making you cry, they don't feel his hands wiping your tear away and saying sorry. They don't see him buying you that gorgeous bouquet of flowers after saving up money for weeks just to make you smile. They don't see that, and they don't feel what you feel after he does all that.

Yes, they see things better from a logical view point, and indeed they are important in keeping the relationship going. Essentially, marriage (the end goal of relationships) is between two families. But more importantly, it's between 2 individuals. It's 2 individuals forgoing their lives and forging one together. It's 2 people forming a new family, despite all the fights and kisses.

If they knew the rush you feel when he pulls you in for a kiss, or the lazy Sunday afternoons where you hug and fall asleep together. Or if they knew of the times he google searched date ideas to make the next date more interesting. If only they knew of how much you loved him, and that despite the fights you can't imagine your life being anywhere other than with him. If they knew that relationships is between 2 people, and that love is enough to conquer all differences. If they knew all of that, and if you keep reminding yourself of that, you'll realise that they neglected to tell you - love is love, and love conquers all. Love is not something outsiders will be able to feel for you, and it definitely isn't something between anything more than 2 individuals.

If they truly cared for you, they'd see your happiness and let you be. He's not the wrong one if people don't like him, he's only the wrong one if you don't love him. But if you do, don't you dare as hell let him go for anything as silly as people telling you so.

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Love is feelings, logic, flawed logic, screwed up feelings - all in one. But love is also magical. Love is when you look at someone and tell yourself that you love him, regardless. That the word "regardless" means to overlook anything and everything ever possible in this boundless universe. If you love someone the way I do, don't you dare let him go. Because if you do, you'll never get it back.

There comes a moment in life when you look at someone when they are going about their daily lives, and you just know. You just know.

People say save yourself for the right one, I say go to hell with that and love. Love all you can, and love whenever you can. Feel these stereotypes, and realise how flawed they all are. Understand what they neglected to tell you, and stop getting all your ideas about love from a bunch of words. You don't understanding something as emotional and logical as love through hearing about them, you feel them. And yet even with feeling, you may not understand it. Not until you meet the right one, who makes everything seem right again.

I hope that day comes soon for you, reader. I do hope so.

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Disney teaches children a lot about love - fairytales and magic carpets. Yes it may sound naive, but is it so? Is love not as simple as looking someone in the end and feeling all the joy you can ever feel. Is it not supposed to be so? Here's my all-time favorite disney song.