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PROFILE
The Blog Owner.

IMG_7722 Joanna
-21-

You have to be cold to be Queen.

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WISHLIST
upon a wishing star

♥ Be happy everyday

REMINISCENES
my faded memories.

  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
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  • July 2010
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  • December 2010
  • January 2011
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  • April 2012
  • March 2013
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  • January 2014
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  • February 2015
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  • January 2016
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  • December 2016
  • February 2017
  • April 2017
  • June 2017


    • CREDITS
    spontaneous applause.

    Design: materialisti-c
    A quaint afternoon all alone
    Date / Time : Tuesday, February 14, 2017 / 3:27 PM
    Hello there!

    I'm currently seated in a quaint little spot just facing the late afternoon sun - listening to the latest hits by The Chainsmokers and enjoying a cup of iced chocolate. Lazy afternoons like this truly do make my day, in the midst of tiring schedules and rushing for dance practices. I do hope to find more peaceful afternoons like so, hopefully after the end of my HOCC journey.

    Recently I've been taking up the module of Singapore literature as part of my mandatory curriculum in my pursue of studies as an English literature major. Do not ask me why I have to do it, somehow I'm asking myself that question. I do suppose local literature is essential in helping us understand our roots and give us the strength to evaluate what works/does not work for our literary works - they are better than we give them credit for anyway.

    In reading local literature, I have found myself to relate to this country less and less. It does not hurt that I've already made up my mind years ago on the thought of migration. However, it has since become clarified in my university time. You'd be surprised at how university makes one feel less attached to the country - with the diverse opportunities offered to a mere student taking a literature major in this big city. Ok, maybe not too big. But, we're puny so I do rest my case upon so.

    I tried to re-examine my lack of patriotism to this country - and found that the ideal future I pictured myself to be basking in years from now is far from the image I'm used to now. In 10 years (or hopefully just 5), I hope to be sitting on the window panel facing the glass window that outlooks onto the city-line that is busy Manhattan. My sheer white curtains will be reflected with the bright lines shining from the streets of the city that never sleeps.

    Every morning, I'd wake up to dress myself in a thick coat before riding the subway or taking a yellow taxi to the firm. I'll be working on the next big marketing project that will yet feature another billboard, contributing to the ever-changing displays in Times Square. During Christmas, I'd skate around the Rockefeller center. Maybe if I'm feeling a little more sociable on NYE, I'll head down to Times Square and feel the intimacy of the crowd around me.

    I'll come back to quaint little sunny Singapore when spring comes, and visit the relatives that will have nothing but envy in their eyes as I ramble on about my adventures in the foreign land they can only dream of. I want to be the big sister that dreamt and flew for it to the little ones - the one person they know who made it out of this fish tank of a lonely city.

    -

    I do not want to be the mother of two who stands at the corner after serving drinks to the guests in the house. Neither do I want to drive a Toyota to work everyday after dropping off two children in schools that do not support their artistic dreams. In fact, I don't think I could really deal with living in a HDB flat - even if a four-room is drastically spacious and potentially less hazardous than a shoebox apartment in Manhattan.

    I may be afraid of the cold, but there's nothing in sunny Singapore that really makes me any less incline on leaving. Cold, and probably selfish - but definitely true. I can't picture myself staying in this spot years from now, regretting the risks I could have taken.

    And don't get me wrong - I do love my country. I cheer when we do well internationally, and seeing a familiar face in a foreign land always makes me comforted. That's the safety blanket that is home. However, we all need to grow up and grow wings someday. If we continue to clip our wings near home, we'll never soar to the skies and feel the warmth of the mellow sun. If we could just spread our wings and fly, we'll come back to this safety net someday and thank every Lord for giving us the courage to do what we did.

    -

    I'm sorry if this post was all over the place. I just needed an outlet to talk about this before it overwhelms me. The commitments that are pulling me down are really starting to take a toll on me, and I'm more afraid than ever that I'll end up staying. Oh dear lord, please give me the courage once more to up and leave.