It's been a slow and lazy mid-week morning, and I think I'm feeling extra moody due to a possible slight hang-over from drinking with Cheryl last night. Not really, but I think I'm just tired and really sick. The weather a killer, so everyone should take care!

Anyway, I've been listening to Lea Michele's cover of Make You Feel My Love, a personal favourite of mine from the entire series of Glee. No, I am not going to make a list of my favourite Glee covers. I loved that song, because of the emotions Michele put into the song with her true feelings regarding the death of Glee co-star and real life boyfriend, Cory Monteith.

Either ways, it got me thinking of a rather morbid topic - Death. Now, death is inevitable and without warning. Apart from dying from old age and illnesses where a possible time period is predicted, death is itself, unpredictable. Even when we can predict the time period of death, we will never be able to determine the exact timing beforehand.

This often leaves us with inspirational quotes like Leave No Regrets where we are taught to treat every moment like our last. Personally, I'm not a person who afraid of death. Not that I'm looking for it, I just don't believe that we should be afraid of something that is inevitable. I am afraid of pain, but I am not afraid of death.

Yes, I am afraid of losing the people around me. I hate the idea of never being able to see them, or hear them again. But that doesn't mean I'm afraid of death. I'm simply afraid of loss.

Today, I decided to write a rather, awkward letter. I do hope that it would make sense a few years down the road though.

//

"The day I die."

Dear whoever this may be,

the day I die should be a joyous one. I do hope that I would have made my dreams come true by this point. Don't remember me by the moments before my death, I must have looked horrible with a pale face and no blusher to look alive. I must look like death. There there, the pun was intended.

Please remember me by the moments I lived. Remember me by my happiest days, whenever they were. Remember the girl who danced freely on stage, basking in the spotlight. Remember that young girl who laughed out loud in public, and walked with a little jump. Please remember when I jumped for joy every time I was excited, and giggled when I was around someone I really liked.

Don't remember me by the days I was in pain, but remember the days I cried. Remember the day I cried at my first heart break, I never felt so alive then. Please remember the day I cut my wrist so bad it bled a lot, I never felt so near to death until that point. But don't remember the pains I felt in my later days, I must have groaned a lot and acted really whiney. I'm sorry.

When you think of me at my funeral, remember me as if I were there. If I was at my funeral, I'd be smiling. I'd be thinking of the moments I connected with myself, the best memories I shared with myself. When I was singing to Glee at home alone, acting as if I was a famous pop singer. I'd laugh at the times I danced a little when I was listening to a song on the road. It must have looked funny to onlookers.

Please remember me by those moments. Please think of the happiest days you had with me when we were alive, when the craziest nights made us feel young. Please remember me by the day I cried in dance so badly - 27 April 2012. Don't remember me by the mundane days I went to work and then went home. Don't remember me by my dullest moments.

Think of the times I made a personal connection with you, whether it was singing to our favourite song or sharing an intimate moment on a cold night. Please remember me by my fondest days, you'd know when they were.

While this is an inevitable Goodbye, I will live forever in the memory of those who care to remember me. For my death signifies the beauty of life, for its glory and shortcomings. Don't mourn my death like I should have lived longer, because I lived a life worth living. I lived a happy life, long or short. I was never a person fond of a long life anyway, and I'm very grateful to have been given a life thus far.

Please take care of the people I love, they must be crying so badly. If my parents are alive, remind them of the youngest memory of me. The end of my life, should highlight the beginning as well. If my family cries, please remind them that I was always the one who made everyone burst in laughter with silly antics. I'm sorry I can no longer do that, but I do hope that reminding them of the times I did so would make them smile a little.

If my friends are crying, please scream at them. They'd know better that I would hate to watch them cry. If I have no friends, that's ok too. I was never fond of a huge funeral with friends and family gathering over the loss of my life anyway.

My life was beautiful, because I laughed a lot. I laughed in the easiest days, and laughed in the toughest rides. I laughed, and loved. I was given the privilege of loving, having found true love oh so many a times. I was given the chance to travel, to explore the wilderness beyond the city. I was given the opportunity to fight for my dreams, and I never once regretted the decisions I made.

I was able to party while I was young, get drunk and wasted. I was able to take romantic walks on windy nights while holding the man I loved. I was able to study hard for my examinations, and achieve higher education than most of the people walking on the face of Earth is able to now. I was able to dance on stage, a lot in fact. I was able to find a dream, and that was what made my life worth living anyway.

Don't cry for me, but celebrate my life. I have done a lot of things, good and bad. I have accomplished many things, for myself and for others. And above all, I have touched the hearts of the people whom I truly reached out to. Or at least, I hope I did. Honestly, that made all the difference.

The day I die is a happy one, I do hope the sun is shining because I get cold so easily. I do hope it is Spring now, because the flowers bloom in such vibrance. I also hope that the soft wind blows, reminding you that I am always like the wind. To quote "A Walk To Remember", you can't see it, but you can always feel it. Please stop visiting me on my death anniversary every year. Honestly, don't.

Love, Me.

//

I know many people aren't exactly keen on the idea that someone would write a letter in preparation for their death. But life is fragile, and we have lost so many people dear to us. We have to be able to embrace death, instead of shutting the idea of it away simply because we lost the people dear to us to death. We have to understand that their life isn't measured by the moments before their death, but by the line in between their years. 

Here's the making the best out of our lives, however long they may be.