Hello there!

Yesterday my friend was just commenting on how I never write a blog post inspired by her/our interactions and I'm sorry but this post isn't going to be inspired by us either! However, I would definitely finish the post I was writing about us yesterday.

Someday, I will.

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A few months ago, I saw all over twitter regarding this phenomenon(?) at that time - The Break Up Season. There was some photograph of a couple during Colour Run circulating around the social media site, where the boy typed a whole chunk of sweet, loving dedication to his girlfriend. Kudos to his effort, I hope you have a beautiful relationship.

However, whether it was psychological or true, The Break Up Season did have its effects on a few of my peers. Some of the long time couples I knew began to have problems, some eventually parted ways in fact.


A few friends of mine took their separation badly, and some remain upset till this day. Of course, there were those who entered a relationship shortly before The Break Up Season and parted ways happily without ill feelings. Now those, I don't worry. However, it did come to my attention regarding the feelings about a break-up.

Some of my friends have experienced their first heart break, while some have just added one more to the list again. Today, I decided to write about the feelings about these break-ups. I may not be speaking for all the heart-broken people out there, but I'm sure at least 1-2 people can relate to what I'm going to be writing about.

And to those who have, well, never had a heart break, here's just some food for thought.

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#01: You will text him, soon. I'm so sure of it.


A common advice given during a break up, is to "stop contacting the other party" because further contact will only result in the inability to move on or will cause the both of you to get back together again, which in their opinion is obviously a mistake?

However, I can safely tell you that you're going to contact him again. Whether it will be after months of almost hitting the "send" button but pulling back at the last minute until one fateful night, or the day after because you cried so bad missing him... You will definitely talk to him again.

While I'm not exactly sure it's good to maintain contact, I can tell you that maintaining contact does not always make you unable to move on. You will be able to move on, and the critical factor isn't in breaking off contact, but time. You can choose not to contact him for 3 months, and when you do, you'd still go back to square one. However, you can choose to talk to him, and maybe after half a year, you'll feel better already.

That being said, some people believe that it's not possible to be friends or acquaintances after a break up, so they choose to break off all contact. That is completely understandable.


It's not possible to tell yourself that you will never contact the boy again. At some point, some night when you've had a little too much to drink, thoughts of the both of you will float into your mind again, and you'll find the courage within you to hit the send button. There's nothing wrong with that, so don't feel horrible just because you caved in.

There is nothing wrong with maintaining contact after a break up. We make our choices and we live with it; whatever your best friend tells you about "STOP CONTACTING HIM" and "OMG WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB" is bull shit. Listen to what you want to do, and act accordingly. Whatever works for them may not work for you.


I can safely tell you that maintaining contact does not always result in the stereotypical outcomes; sometimes, it helps you to move on better. You just have to do what's right for you, whatever the decision is. You have to remember that true friends will always remember what you truly want, and they will support you regardless of the bad decisions you choose to make.

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#02: Seeing his photograph is going to hurt. But it's ok to feel sad.


Being in a relationship, often meant you knew what the other was doing at any point of time. Even if he was going to shower, he'd leave you a text saying "Hey babe, I'm going to shower now. Ttyl."

However, breaking up meant you're not entitled to texts like these anymore. It meant that you no longer will be able to know what's happening in his life except through photographs of him, or regards passed on from his friends.

Sometimes, you'd find out that he spent his day with that group of friends you never liked very much, through a photograph he posted on Instagram. Sometimes, you'd see him tweet "Studying is killing me" and find out that his exams are coming. Right, it almost slipped your mind. He mentioned it once when the both of you were still together.

Finding out about his life this way, is going to hurt. Sometimes, it's going to kill you. It's going to kill you knowing that you can never be sure of what's going on in his life anymore. It will make you stare at that photograph or tweet for as long as 10 minutes, and go back to it a few hours later.

But that's ok, because sometimes that's how we move on too. I've found that, sometimes, we find out how they have moved on through these photographs. In some cases, that reassurance that they have moved on is the trigger for us to move on too. It may not work for everyone, but I'm sure it works for some.


Feeling sad about looking at the photographs does not mean you still love him, but you miss the idea of knowing every little detail about his life. You miss being the one who could readily tell anyone that he's currently busy, or what he's been up to recently. You will miss knowing everything, because humans will, more often than not, want to be in the know of things.

It's going to hurt, and I'm sorry if you feel so much pain thinking of the recent photograph you saw of him. But I'm sure he's doing well, and so will you. Let the pain pass someday, but don't push yourself into pretending that it doesn't hurt when it does. Feel the pain, and miss those times, but don't miss him. Don't miss him at all.

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#03: Telling you bad things about him isn't going to make anything better


I'm sorry to the really kind friends out there who want to help by spouting bad stuff about the ex-boyfriend, but I can tell you that it doesn't work. These people, hurt and crying, have found many reasons to dislike that boy. Despite so, she chose to love that boy anyway.

Why did she choose that, knowing that the boy has so many flaws? That's because love meant accepting the flaws and bringing out the strengths. His flaws would definitely have been, at some point in time, a reason for argument. However, those flaws are not something the girl has never heard of.

For every flaw about him you mention to her, she's going to be reminded of the arguments they had over it, the way she saw the good in him despite his flaws, and the way they made up after. She will always see the good in him when you mention a flaw she already knows, and she will smile and laugh at you - she can see your effort.

Despite seeing your effort, what's running through her mind isn't how horrible a person he is, but how beautiful he is at the end of the day. That despite having flaws, he was still beautiful in her eyes.


Making her hate him doesn't make things better, because hate does not cancel out love. Sometimes, hate grows proportionately with love. It is not a plus minus scale, because love and hate shouldn't be measured this way. The best way to overcome love, can be more love. Healthier love, through forgiveness, understanding, love in something else/someone else, and the ability to love oneself.

Don't force her to hate him, she couldn't do it. Not now, at least.

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#04: You'll wake up one morning and miss him


I'm sorry for breaking that news to you.

One day, maybe days or months or years down the road, you're going to wake up and miss him. It's going to feel like the very first day you felt the day after he left you. You're going to wake up and feel the same emptiness, horrible feelings, you once felt.

You would have moved on, found a better future for yourself, and probably became good friends with him again. However, you're going to wake up one day to miss him. Someday, just out of the blue, you'll feel this way. When you see his photograph again, you'll feel the pain you felt on day one.


For a moment, it's going to feel as if you never moved on. You're going to feel like you're back to square one, and everything you've built over the years of moving on from that memory have crumbled to nothing once again. But that feeling you feel, it doesn't last. Don't worry, because it wouldn't last.

You're going to wake up the next day feeling completely alright again, and smile at your husband lying by your side. You're going to tell yourself that yesterday was just a bad day, a bad dream.

But this cycle, it repeats. For every person you truly love, it repeats in its own orbit, circling around your life again and again.


For every of those bad day, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you'll wake up missing him, and both of your memories. I'm sorry you're never going to forget him. I'm sorry that, when someday you have children who are experiencing their first heart break, you'll be reminded of him.

I'm sorry that every tumblr post you see that relates to him is going to remind you of him again. But it's going to be ok the next day.

Today may be that day, or tomorrow, or perhaps that was yesterday. It's completely ok, because that will just be a bad day. Who knows? Maybe one day when you wake up to miss him, you'll smile and cry because you also thank him for being a part of your life.

One thing I'm sure - you're never going to forget him. Years down the road, you're going to remember that name, and that expression he had the last time you saw him. You're going to remember him for every time someone with the same name introduces themselves to you.


And, that is completely alright. I hope that you smile at your memories, and thank him quietly to the stars that night for being a part of your life. I hope you look at the stars and is reminded of him, and wishes him the best wherever he is. I hope you look at the photographs of him and his new girlfriend, and smile because he finally found someone who could give him what you couldn't.

More importantly, I hope you found someone who could give you what he couldn't. I hope you thank the stars after missing him, that you found a better reason to smile than cry. I hope you found it somewhere in your heart to forgive him for hurting you, and I hope you will always remember him as a fond memory rather than a painful one.

I hope, you're happy.

//

#05: He's going to find someone new


Look, he's going to find someone else. A girl, possibly more beautiful than you, even if your friends deny so and continuously insults her. She's going to be smiling as bright as you did when you took photographs with him. He's going to look a little tired, but he's going to smile the same way he did when he took photographs with you too.

He's going to hold her the way he held you, and you're going to remember that photograph your friends took for both of you where he held you that way too. At some point, you'll rummage through your photographs to look at that one photograph... And think about what happened that day.

People move on, and we have to be ready to accept that. One day, he's going to be talking to a girl about how he hasn't moved on from his past relationship with a beautiful girl. He's going to tell her how much he misses you, and how he doesn't know how to move on. She will comfort him, and tell him stuff he needs to hear to make him feel better.

At some point, their conversations will shift away from you. He will start asking her about her life, and she's going to tell him about a boy who once meant the world to her as well. Then, he will find reasons to become friends with this girl who stood by his side when he was hurt over you.

Someday, he's going to ask her out for lunch. She's going to say yes, and they will have a great time chatting over silly nothings the way the both of you did once. They will walk side by side, and after a long time since the both of you broke up, he's going to feel happy again. You have to be ok with that, the fact that he's happy without you.

Finally, he will tell her how much she means to him. She will smile, and tell him that she will try her best not to hurt him the way you did. He will tell her, that he will not hurt her the way he hurt you. You should be glad, that's one less girl in this world who would feel the way you did.


Then, they are going to be together.

At first, it will just be cute texts and late night phone calls. Eventually, he's going to look at her the way he looked at you. He's going to tell her the jokes he once told you, and smile at the way she laughs because he realised that her laughter is the most beautiful sound he has ever heard in his life. He's going to feel happy, and he will be glad. He's going to be thankful that the both of you broke up, so that she could finally enter his life the way she did.


You're going to have to be ok with all that. Because someday, you may see them on the road. She will recognise you from his old photographs she stalked from his Instagram when she secretly liked him. He will recognise you but feel afraid that his current girlfriend will get upset. You're going to have to be ok with putting up a faint smile, and walking past them. You're going to have to be ok with seeing that scene, and walk away like it's nothing to you.

It may not be nothing to you, and it may hurt so bad. I'm sorry you have to feel this way. But someday, you'll find it within yourself to give them your blessings. You're going to tell her in your own head, to take good care of him. You're going to smile at their photographs, and hope that they don't end up the way the both of you did. You're going to be glad that he grew up, and maybe someday you will too. Or perhaps, you already did.

//

#06: Sometimes, that someone new may be someone you know


It's very common these days to have overlapping friends between couples. That could also be attributed to the fact that the both of you were friends in the same clique before falling in love.

While we've all heard of the bro code and girls code, we know that's not humanly possible in today's society where we are all connected. Honestly, the bro code and girls code is so old it should be extinct by now.


I'm sorry to those who take the bro code and girls code seriously, but I don't think it always work that way. We can't just tell someone to stop feeling the way they do because their friend once dated that person. There is no way to force love, and honestly... You aren't a very good friend yourself if you tell your friend to stop loving the person they do because you once dated him/her.

Anyway, back to the topic.

When you break up, one of your friend who is a common friend may be stuck in the middle. She may have to comfort both ends without offending the other, having known both of you. She's going to be a great friend who can tell you how his life has been.

She's going to help him to move on as well. By comforting him and being by his side when he's alone, she's going to be his only pillar of support. At some point, she's going to tell him things about you that will help him to move on better - whether you're moving on, or that you wouldn't want him to feel this way either.


Someday, he will find in himself that she's an amazing girl. He's going to see her as his comfort zone, his pillar of support, and a safety zone he can completely be himself around. She saw him cry, she knew what happened, and she took him through the tough days.

Then, somehow, they may get together the way I explained it earlier in #05. However, it won't be that easy this time round.


They are going to be afraid that they will hurt you, and they will pretend like they are not in love with one another. She will feel conflicted everyday over a silly logic invented by some chick flick called the girls code. She is going to be afraid that she will hurt you, and more so, she will be afraid that she and him will end up the way both of you did.

She's going to have to hide her feelings from him, so she can protect all of you. It will take her so much courage, to be able to admit to everyone how she feels about him. Be patient with her, be kind to her. Forgive her, for falling in love with the person who made you feel the pain you felt. Forgive her, for you once fell in love with the same smile too.

Wish them the best, for you know how precious both of them are. Wish them the best, you'd know them well enough to know how compatible they'd be. Wish him the best, he got a beautiful girl who cared about friendship and love so much she felt conflicted for so long. Wish her the best, he was indeed one of the most beautiful boy you've ever loved.

If he wasn't, why did you love him?


You will move on, and you will find someone beautiful to love. I'm sure of it. Until that day, I hope you will wish them the best. I hope you'll assure her that it's ok to fall in love with him. I hope, that despite still feeling pain from breaking up with him, you'll smile in front of him. It will assure her, and him as well.

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#07: You are going to be ok


I'm sorry if it hurts so bad you cry every night. I'm sorry if seeing him with someone new hurts so bad you feel like your life is empty. I'm sorry if your eyes are swollen the next day but you are afraid that he'll notice it and realise how weak you are.

Many people will tell you, that you're going to be ok. Most of the times, you're going to smile and tell them that you're fine. But, don't be. Don't be fine or ok now. Keep feeling that overwhelming emotion you feel when you're alone in the shower, or staring at your phone in your bed at night. Tell people that you're not ok when you're truly not.

It takes courage to admit that you are not ok, over the courage to pretend that everything is fine. It takes an immense amount of trust and courage, to be able to tell someone that you wish things were better. Please don't tell people that you're fine when you're not, because you're entitled to feel the way you do right now.


Just because it was a relationship which wasn't worth the tears, doesn't make it any less tearful. Just because people don't see this relationship the way you did, doesn't make it any less important. Every tear you cry for him, it represents the emotions and pain you felt when the both of you decided that you should abandon what you shared.

But someday, I can't tell you when, or where, or how, or why, you're going to be ok. You're going to wake up feeling like the sun is shining just right, and your pillow is dry. You're going to wake up to anticipate a beautiful day ahead, and you will forget that you once soaked your pillow for him. That day, you won't wake up to wish he texted you, because you'll wake up to not wish for anything at all.

One day, it will be ok. One day, you will be ok. That day will come, regardless of how long you take. But don't worry, because someday, you'll stop crying your eyes swollen for him. Don't worry.


I hope that day comes soon for you, and I hope that day is just as beautiful as today is.

//

Shake it out. (covered by Glee) I hope you can shake these sad feelings off soon, I do hope so for you. I hope, that soon, you'll feel better.

Hello there!

I've been getting a lot of inspiration to write lately, so pardon me if I write too much. Anyway, I realised that my writing has distracted a friend from work a lot recently, and I'm trying to sabotage her grades (just kidding) so I'm going to continue to write.

Recently, I celebrated an old friend's birthday with a few of my secondary school friends, and we had a great time chatting over old times and secondary school days. This topic was exceptionally relevant because most of us had just watched 我的少女时代 then. I realised that we did a lot of foolish things back then, that we would have never expected ourselves to have done a few years down.

But, one thing I took away from that day, was that the regrets we felt back then, may have turned out to become the best memories we take away from our youth. Today, I'm going to write about the 7 things I never regretted doing in secondary school, albeit feeling regretful back then.

If you have done the same, you should be happy that they serve as the best memories now!

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#01: Sleeping in class/Defying my teachers

Everyone has had their rebellious days, whether it was to a parent or to a teacher. I spent the bulk of my secondary school days being the student who had perfect school attire - socks was always above the ankle, skirt never more than 3 fingers above knee length, shirt always tucked in, and no fringe in the way.

However, I wasn't always this way in class.

I remember sleeping most of my secondary four classes away, sometimes the teacher doesn't bother waking me that I end up missing even seeing the teacher's face. I thank Ms Wee everyday for being so kind to let me sleep in all of her classes. I think I slept so much during Geography class, Ms Wee got a little freaked out when I finished my homework on time.


It was surprising that I even knew what homework there was.

I slept a lot during Chemistry, and even ended up dropping the subject completely to sleep in the library during class time. If there was one lesson I didn't sleep in, it was Chinese lessons. Why didn't I do so? Because I spent the bulk of the time making fun of my teacher, Ms Wong, who coincidentally was also my form teacher.

She probably despised me for eating breakfast and being a noisy kid in her class, but I definitely miss talking back to her because she couldn't scold me for not finishing my work at the end of the day.


If you spent your secondary school days earnestly taking down notes and paying attention, you'd probably miss out on a lot of scoldings and laughter. I remember always having to see the teacher at the end of the class because I was such a problematic child. My mother got so sick of getting calls, she starting blocking my teacher's number because those scoldings didn't make sense anyway.

((my mother believed that I was having fun at school, and that was important.))

For the second half of my secondary four life, I had to escape from the School Counsellor every other day, because my teacher decided that I probably need some counselling. ((really?!)) But thankfully, I was smart enough to bait her into the class after school hours and run away from the back door. I don't know how long I fooled her, but I guess she had enough of me to give up nearing my Os period.

If there was a few lessons I was the perfect student, one would be Social Studies. The reason was simple - Ms Kee was my dance-in-charge teacher. I couldn't risk her telling Laoshi how horrible I was in class, or he'd ban me from dance practices. That was probably why Ms Kee never understood why I was a horrible student in other teacher's mind.


But as I think back on these memories, I laugh at those scolding and times I made my teachers boil. My teachers still smile at me when I go back to Nan Hua, and they tell me how glad they are that I've grown up so well since then. These students are the ones your teachers remember best, and these memories are the ones that make our secondary school days fun and memorable.

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#02: Missing out on overseas holidays with family for CCA


When we were young, many children enjoyed taking overseas trips with their families. They would visit Disneyland or foreign countries and take lame, ugly photographs. For me, and a whole 100 over dancers, we spent all 4 years of our holidays in sunny Singapore. We danced at least 2-3 weeks of our holidays, and spent the other time with our dancers as well.

The moment school ended in late May, Dance practices started. We had dance every weekday, from 9am until 6pm. That meant that we only said Goodbye to each other around 8pm, and saw each other just 12 hours later at 8am.


We burned our first half of the June holidays at dance, and the final week too. For the November one, we burned the entire November in Dance. For me, I burned December with Anyhow Arts, and end December with Dance again.

You may say that it's not fun to sacrifice overseas holidays or Disneyland for Dance, but these dance memories are the ones I miss so badly. I wish I could be a Nan Hua Dancer again ((all the time)), so that I could spend everyday complaining about my aching muscles with the dancers. We'd wear the dance tee everyday, and run out of dance tees to wear.

Our dance attires are black when soaked in water, and we crash the moment we reach home.

The days we screamed our loudest for dance, the discipline runs we had, and dancing under the scorching sun without shoes/socks; Those are the memories we take away with us when we grow up. Those are the things with no logic, no sense, and completely immature. But those are also the things we'd grow up never doing again, so we should have treasured them a little more when we were younger.


If it wasn't for the Joanna who endured the scorching sun in June for AYG 2009, there wouldn't be the Joanna who would feel no pain stepping on any ground barefooted in Singapore today. If it wasn't for the Joanna who endured the pain of stretching and pushed through the days with aching muscles, there wouldn't be the Joanna who takes pride in her flexibility and strength now.

Sometimes the sacrifices we made, was worth the while.

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#03: Doing crazy things that weren't allowed

Have you ever sprayed the fire extinguisher outside of your classroom when classes are over and shut the windows/door tight so they can't escape? I have.

Sometimes, we didn't spray them in our own class, but in the neighbouring class. I never knew what happened, but I suppose it didn't end well when the cleaners cleaned the class at the end of everyday. I am so sorry for that, but it was fun, wasn't it?


There was once, my class decided to combine a bunch of bad smelling things - days old yoghurt and vitasoy, sock, strong deodorant; the boys mixed them together and hid it in the air conditioner. Unknowingly, to the teachers, the class starting getting a horrible strong deodorant smell the next day, that could spread around 20m toward the lift.

We had to open the doors and windows for 2 weeks, and still teachers felt like puking each time they exited the lift on the 6th floor. 302 was indeed a crazy class who did stupid things, and we suffered for it, but it was fun while we were doing them!

I remember Yoke Kee, once spreading the foam on raw egg, onto Yu Zhen's table during recess. Although we were fellow females, we never warned her because we'd love her reaction when she found out. Since it was transparent by the time she came back for class, she slept on it without much of a thought, and only found out after she woke up.

I always pity her for that. Thankfully, I was on the laughing, knowing end of the stick.


If you haven't done these crazy things with your class, you would have missed out on a lot of laughter and fun. They had to be so crazy and stupid you wouldn't do it if you were 18, or 16. However, they had to be fun enough that you'd laugh so badly even though you probably know that you are going to have to suffer for it eventually. Those were the best laughters I've had, and I think nothing will ever top those crazy stuff we did in 302/402 back then.

Thank you 302/402, all 39 of you.

//

#04: Being a part of Nan Hua Dance Society

Now, we've all had a CCA when we were in secondary school. Some of us had fun skipping CCAs and playing around after school, while some of us took pride in participating in our CCAs. For dancers, it was the latter.


Nan Hua Dance Society, if you've ever heard, is the niche CCA in Nan Hua. We have won over 20 Gold awards in the biannual SYF Central Judging in International/Chinese dance segments, and gotten Distinction in the following biannual SYCs in the same segments as well.

Besides SYF/SYC, we have also been invited to perform in major performances such as the National Day Parade, YOG Opening Ceremony, AYG Opening Ceremony, ASG Opening Ceremony, Chingay Parade, and we even once performed for the 2000 Millenium celebrations. The juniors are preparing for the Paralympics performance right now, as well.

Because of the glory Nan Hua Dance Society has brought to the school, it was easy to see why we had priority in everything. The end of every major dance performance meant a morning assembly where dancers were invited to stand up and were applauded for our efforts to bring glory to our school.


We had new costumes for every performance, tailored to the dancer. The Chinese Orchestra in our school wore the same costume the 4 years I was in Nan Hua. We were often praised, and could take any location in the school we wanted, even if some other CCA booked it first. Dancers were often seen running around barefooted, and we had so much pride it was annoying to others.

We defended any accusation against dance, and dancers stood together in any confrontation. The fact that we had 100 over people kind of gave us an advantage as well. Did I mention that dance gets priority in getting secondary ones at the beginning of the year? If you chose dance in any of your 4 CCA options, you'd be put to dance first even if you put it as your 4th choice.

Girls had to go through auditions to get into dance, 30 over dancers will eventually be shortlisted to 20. For my batch, we graduated with 19 girls and 10 boys.

It was a glory to be in dance back then, where you could skip classes to prepare for performances. For ASG in 2011, we skipped 1 week of classes for dance. Boys could leave their hair long for performances at times, and teachers couldn't do anything to get them to cut it. Reason for doing so? Because they couldn't style their hair if it was too short.


The girls could tie ponytails to school for performances, and we could come to school late the day after rehearsals because we ended rehearsals only around 10pm the evening before.

If being in Nan Hua Dance Society wasn't something to be proud of, I don't know what is. We had the best times there, crying and screaming over everything. We pumped to dancehood, screamed and cried at our failures, laughed at the inside jokes, celebrated with dance cheer after every performance, and cried the worst on our Speech Day dances.

In dance, we experienced all emotions; In dance, we grew up together.


//

#05: Falling in love too many times

I think everyone has had their moments ((since we were experiencing puberty)) when we felt a tinge of feelings for someone back then. Sometimes, we'd let the feelings get the better of us, and fell completely in love for a boy who probably didn't deserve it.

Many people have told me that they were proud to have a clean record, having no boyfriends at all. Honestly, why is that something to be proud of?

Do you know the responsibilities that come with relationships in your 20s? Or even in your late teens? Sometimes, it's beautiful to fall in love when you could do reckless things that didn't matter when you grow up eventually. Being young meant making mistakes, and having to suffer little or no consequences for them; being matured meant otherwise.

I don't regret falling in love so many times, more than 7 times in fact. While I've had 7 ex boyfriends, I've definitely fell in love with someone who got away at least once. It's sweet, you know; to sit beside the boy you like, and feel your heart beating so fast it could jump out. It was happy, you know; the way you smile when he replies your text with something cute.


Falling in love so young meant you could cry your hearts out when your heart hurt, you could scream at them for making you so upset, you could smile and ask to put couple keychains on your phones, or you could just spend your dates studying at the library. ((where you just only stare at each other anyway))

I remember the days we cried in the corridor outside your class, because we knew it wasn't working anymore but we didn't want to let go. I ran to the canteen and cried with all our friends, and spent the rest of the day crying in class. I remember when you sat beside me during Road Run, and we watched the games together. Thank you for being by my side that day, it was nice feeling that way.


I remember you feeding the cat with me every morning, and sometimes when we didn't see it we'd panicked. I wonder where 糖糖 went to eventually, after we graduated. I remember the day I tried to look really good in front of you, only to spill a bottle of sprite all over my shirt. You were gentle and kind, and never laughed at me.

I remember you buying a gift for me, and despite objections from your parents, you got it to me in the end. While I never read the letter, I know what you would have wrote. Thank you for that.

The younger days, were carefree and happy ones. It was the sweaty palms I had when you held my hand for the first time, or the nights I soaked my pillow because I missed us so much. It was the way I lied on my bed when you told me over the phone how you wish we'd stay together until you went away to army, or the day you stood outside my class waiting for me and everyone teased me because we were adorable together.

It was how I stole glances at you when we were studying in the library, or how you defied the entire world just to be with me for a brief moment.

Love is unpredictable, and love is beautiful. Young love is precious - it is innocent, and filled with so much hopes. If I didn't love when I was younger, I would have regretted so much feelings I now know I could feel. If Joanna didn't fall in love back then, I wouldn't look at relationships the way I do now.


Because there was an immature Joanna who loved and cried, there is a Joanna now who smiles at old photographs.

//

#06: Watching a lot of Taiwan dramas

I spent my childhood like any other kids, watching cartoons like Powerpuff Girls and Teen Titans. I didn't like Spongebob Squarepants, but don't hate on me for that. Cartoons are very subjective, and I don't despise you for liking Spongebob Squarepants so you shouldn't despise me for not liking it.

However, I spent a bulk of my teenage years watching Taiwan dramas more so than cartoons. I was entering puberty and I needed to watch something with deeper emotions, with a little more growth space in its plot. While my cousins and sister enjoyed Taiwan dramas, I didn't enjoy them at first. I did, eventually, grow into it, and spent a lot of time on these dramas.


My favourites during that time would have to be 海派甜心，转角遇到爱，终极三国，下一站幸福，and 黑糖群侠转. I enjoyed how the idols were the centre of the shows, and each show had a different plot that didn't make them like any other Korean dramas we watch now. It wasn't always a tourism tactic which exploited the use of historical landmarks and locations, but focused on building the characters more so than the location/story itself.

I suppose they taught me a little more about love too - how it wasn't always easy to be with the person you love, and how sometimes we make sacrifices for the greater good. It also taught me a lot about friendship - the importance of it, and how we should treat friends we want to keep in the long run.


If you don't watch Taiwan dramas, I would highly suggest you try one or two of them. They are definitely worth the many hours of 50 over episodes, and will leave you with so much joy and tears at the end of it. I would suggest you start with something light, like 黑糖玛奇朵 or 命中注定我爱你, and then move onto the ones with deeper story lines!


//

#07: Being completely emotional and not logical at all

Many friends of mine would see me as a logical person, who liked to reason more than feel. I tend to give very logical and PR replies, and often didn't see the importance in getting emotional over minor things. My friends also would think I'm street smart, when I'm really not.

There was a time when I was completely emotional, and let my emotions run my life. I would cry at the slightest sadness, and laugh over the funniest stuff. I used to base my actions on intuition, something I've learned doesn't always work.


One of the stupidest things I used to do, was cut. I used to cut myself, and shopping in the book store was shopping for pen knives. I used to keep them in my pockets and cut myself when nobody would see. There are so many scars on me, and I'm just thankful that many of them have healed. There was a time when my entire arm was filled with scars, and it felt good.

I felt happier feeling the pain on my skin, because I believed it distracted me from the pain I was feeling emotionally. I was coping with failure, as a person, as a student, and as a girlfriend/child/friend. It wasn't easy dealing with the emotional stress, and I found myself to be relieving myself of these pain by seeking an alternative.

Eventually, friends who cried for me so badly the day I locked myself in the toilet and refused to come out, woke me up, I broke the pen knife in half, and never looked back.

To the girls out there, cutting never solves anything. Starving yourself doesn't make you skinny; I know, I've tried it. Be brave enough to walk away from that boy who couldn't care less that you were hurting yourself because he hurt you, and be brave enough to tell him that you deserve better. Look around you, and you'll see the friends hurting because of your actions. Don't hurt them anymore, they really really care for you.


The scars that you'll have in the long run, are the ones you're going to have to cover up with tanned skin, or cardigans. They are going to be there forever, and no, they don't disappear even 5 years after you've caused them on yourself.

But I don't regret what I've done, because the mistakes I've made allows me to tell others not to repeat in my footsteps. It is because I have experienced these pains, that I can now safely tell a girl who's hurting that she deserves better. I can show them the mistakes I've made, that will stick with me, so they don't make the mistakes they are about to now.


I don't regret because, at that point in time, that was what I believed was right. That was what, I believed, was the best for me. That helped me, whether or not you believe me. It helped me to see a lot of things better, that the boy would definitely not turn back no matter how much you hurt yourself for him, and the friends will never turn your back on you, because they love you.

//

Spend a little more of your youth eating, laughing, crying, and playing. Don't waste them on pure studying, or being completely logical. Don't tell yourself to stop feeling this way, but encourage your feelings to take you to somewhere new. Sometimes, they let you learn more than your brain will ever help you learn.


I don't regret many things I did when I was younger, because I believe that they have made me the person I am today. They have helped me to grow, and to become a better person now.

Don't regret what you did when you were younger, they happened for a reason.

Oh, how I miss my younger days. I really, really do.

//

A beautiful song that makes you feel nostalgic if you're looking through old photograph at the same time. Fun Fact: Joshua Taylor used it for Argonauts Montage Video!

Hello there!

There are only 5 days more to the release of Digimon Tri (Part 1 of 6). For those who don't know what it is, it is a new Digimon movie that is set a few years after the final arc of Digimon Adventure 1 and 02. While the movie has been set to be released in a 6-part series, the first film is exciting enough to bring up the enthusiasm of Digimon fans worldwide.

I read an article earlier on regarding why we still love Digimon over 15 years after its first release, and it was a brilliant article ((in my opinion)). Being a fan of both Digimon and Pokemon, I completely resonate with the feelings of the writer, and I truly appreciate how the writer took the time to applaud both series for their efforts in making something truly different.

If you were wondering, here is the link to the article:
http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2015-11-13/why-we-still-love-digimon/.95252

So today, I decided to write my own views on why we still love digimon, and more importantly, how it is so different from the series people often compare it with - Pokemon.

Now, if you are a hard core Pokemon fan who can't appreciate Digimon on its own, I'm sorry to say this but you're definitely losing out on a lot of touching moments and exciting adventures.

//


#01: The logic behind the existence of both kinds of monsters

While both short-form ended with the phrase mon and both exploited the use of monsters as the centre of their series, they were very different.


Pokemon stands for Pocket Monsters - which were monsters that could be stored in the pockets of humans. This is the reason why your favourite Eevee and Bulbasaur were often kept in Pocket Balls, short formed as Pokeballs. The logic behind the existence of Pocket Monsters has never been explained, but we believe that the world of Pokemon in itself ((inclusive of the humans who live in it)) is a world where we can't comprehend with our logic today.

It uses the same basis as many cartoons - Spongebob where creatures live under water and a sponge is alive, or Teen Titans where Starfire comes from a completely different planet in the same world. We also find it difficult to relate Pokemon to several landmarks in Japan, with areas such as Johto and Hoenn.

This suggests that Pokemon, on its own, is set in a world we can't comprehend.


Digimon stands for Digital Monsters - which are monsters that are essentially created via digital data, very much like computer data. They are not conceived like creatures that are created by God, as they cannot reproduce. Instead, duplicates exist only due to the duplication of the digital data used to create a Digimon in the first place.

This explains why, in Digimon Adventure 02, the Chosen Children enter the Digital World via a computer most of the time. It is believed that the Digivice also acts like a computer, bridging the gap between the Digital world and the Real world. Digimon are essentially computer data, and the children are experiencing their adventures in a world that is set in the computer.

Of course, the Digital World and Digimon are created by someone. Who did it? Honestly, we don't have the answers to that yet. But for a children show, it is better not the have the answers sometimes, isn't it? The mystery makes the adventure more enriching.

Since both are completely different in the basis of their existence, we can't actually put them on a scale and compare.

//

#02: Ash/Pikachu versus Chosen Children/Digimon

Pikachu is probably one of the greatest reason we watch Pokemon, unless you're one of the minority that tells me you'd watch the show for Ash Ketchum? While Ash Ketchum never fails to appear in every episode, he manages to make himself one of the least favourite character of the whole series.


How often do you hear someone actually saying their favourite character of the entire Pokemon series is "Ash Ketchum" over any of the few hundreds of adorable Pokemon. I rest my case.

For the case of Digimon, while many people often state that their least favourite character is Joe Kido, you don't actually see the majority choosing Digimon as their bias over characters. There is a better balance between the favouritism shown to all characters in the Digimon series.

Personally, I love Hikari and Tailmon. However, I can't deny how adorable Taichi and Takeru are. I also love Yamato for being cool, but always feel like I can relate to Mimi better because I'm probably as whiney and lazy as her.


The difference in both series lies in the fact that Pokemon has managed to create such a successful franchise where the main character of the cartoon is, more often than not, despised upon; while Digimon created a franchise where the main characters (note that this is actually plural instead) are actually characters the audiences relate to, and love.

If you also like Hikari and Tailmon, I love you.


//

#03: Animals versus... Dinosaurs?

Pokemon has always pride itself in making the monsters similar to creatures we find in our everyday lives, despite being set in a world we don't quite understand. It brings our favourite flowers and animals to life in a twisted manner, giving electricity to a mouse to make Pikachu or making a dancing flower like Sunflora.


We always found Pokemon to look like creatures that already exist, with a few extended abilities. Well, with the few exceptions of some of the legendary creatures that don't quite resemble any creature in particular. I mean, how does Zapdos look like any bird despite being a legendary bird? The spiky wings don't even make sense.

Despite so, our favourite starters always manage to resemble adorable animals like little dragons, turtles, and chicks.

Digimon has been a little difficult to comprehend in terms of the ideas that eventually bloomed into the different Digimon. I have to admit that, while Agumon resembles a dinosaur of some sort, Patamon does not make any sense at all. Even though Palmon insists that it is a plant, I don't believe any form of plant could be twisted to look like that.

In fact, Agumon evolves to become more of a dinosaur in Greymon, and then slowly distorts away in Metal Greymon and War Greymon. By War Greymon, it does not even make sense to call it a Dinosaur anymore ((with the armor and wings)).


It also does not make sense, that while Pokemon have a certain species they stick to, Digimon does not. We see Charmander evolve through the stages into Charizard, becoming a stronger dragon along the way, gaining the abilities to fly in the final stage. In the case of Digimon, it does not always occur this way.



Yes, Agumon and Gabumon evolved to stay along the same lines of their original species, but not for all Digimon. Tailmon, evolved from a cat that went into a dog, and into Tailmon. After Tailmon evolves, it becomes a full-fledged Angel that flies and looks human. It is creepy sometimes to picture that evolution, but I can't deny how all the evolution in that one Digimon is adorable.


Apart from Tailmon, Palmon also grows to be a little distorted despite having a completely logical sense to it. From a plant, it becomes a cactus ((still a plant)) and a flower blooms for it to become a flower fairy. Now, we understand the link in terms of plants for this evolution, but we don't understand how a plant evolves into a flower fairy that is adorable and pink in the end.


Therefore, they are very different ((both series)).

//

There are so many reasons why Pokemon and Digimon are different, and I could name them one by one but there wouldn't be a point anyway. You'd have to watch both series, to understand the difference.

Another difference is that the English version of Pokemon is adorable but if you watch the English version of Digimon, you can't sit with us.

//


//

If you had read the article I pasted the link for above before you finished reading this, there were several reasons why we love Digimon (now we're no longer comparing it to Pokemon) but I decided to write a few that I felt very personal about as well.

These may be subjective comments, but they are exceptionally true for me.

//

#01: Not everyone had the perfect childhood

Everyone has had tough times in their childhood, albeit adults saying that children have nothing to worry about. Parents who separated ended up causing scars and lessons learned the hard way for many children - as seen with Yamato and Takeru.


Having grown up with separated parents who managed to gain custody of the children separately, Yamato grew up to be independent with the father who worked most of the time in the media industry. Takeru grew up to be more reliant on his mother, although in the later series we see how much more matured he grew due to his adventures with the rest of the children and Digimon.

If the Digimon did not bring Yamato and Takeru together, I believe they would have grown up with a larger gap than they already had. Yamato would have grown up to be sour, and Takeru would not have understood his brother's emotions the way he did because of their adventures together.


Sometimes, children's problems were about studies. Having grown up in an Asian society where academic results were everything, many children were faced with a huge amount of stress juggling major examinations. This is exceptionally evident for Joe, who had to always worry for his exams because he was older than the rest of them.

I could always relate to Joe, despite laughing at him when I was younger because he was a boring person who saw no end to studying and tuitions.


Our parents did not always understood our dreams - how many of us grew up wishing we could be whoever we wanted to be, only to have reality shoot our dreams down in the form of our parents?


Wasn't this true for Sora as well? Despite loving soccer and being very much of a Tom-Boy in the first season, her mother did not approve of her daughter's boyish ways and tried to make her more lady like by encouraging her to learn flower arrangements. Although Sora grew up to become a fashion designer and play tennis like many girls, we all had a time when our dreams didn't quite gain the approval of our loved ones.

Although those times were difficult, Sora proved that parents were just concerned for us and meant no harm. If we tried to come to a mutual understanding, life would be easier on both ends.

I always liked this part about the entire Digimon series ((especially season 1)) because many of them faced problems of their own. These weren't problems that were far fetched because they are problems that are still happening in our society today. It gave us a deeper understanding of the characters, and explained why they behaved the way they did.


Throughout the series, we also watched as they grow from the problems they were thrown at. We watched as Sora reconciled with her mother, Yamato and Takeru understanding their brotherhood better, and Joe beginning to relax a little more. We watched as these problems we may have faced in our childhood, found a solution.

From this, we also learned to loosen up on our own part, and be more understanding individuals who could find the solutions to our problems instead of dwelling on it and letting it affect our behaviour in the long run. It gave us hope that these problems, however serious they may have seemed at that point, were not unsolvable. It was solvable, if we worked it out like the children in Digimon did.


//

#02: We have the power within us to do great things, if we could believe

I absolutely love the morale behind Digimon, because of the lessons it holds within each episode of the series. In the first season, each child held a crest that symbolised something they once held within their hearts as their proudest virtue.

Courage, The importance of Friendship, True Love, The thirst for Knowledge, Purity, The sincerity and honesty/trustworthiness in one's words/actions, Hope for a better future, and the Light within oneself; While these 8 crests belonged to the individual, we watched as these crests showed the audiences, and the chosen children, the power we hold if we believe that we are able to make a difference.


While Taichi did not find the courage initially, he believed in himself and his ability to save Sora, eventually awakening the courage within him. When Taichi learned of his powers and ability through his display of courage, we also witnessed his ability to make a difference because he displayed that virtue so true to him.

Even though many people say the logic is flawed - how can your attack prove to be ineffective against the enemy in one time, and then effective in the next; I believe it's all about the heart and the thought that brings strength. Yes, the attack may have proven ineffective, but if we believe that it will work, that belief will turn into strength that strengthens the power of the attack, proving to be effective eventually.


It's the same logic as hitting someone when you haven't eat, and when you've finished eating. While the attack may appear the same, the strength and impact are vastly different because you've gained energy through eating. Taking the energy to represent the belief to make a difference in the child's heart, we see as the same attack makes a difference the second time it lands.

I believe that, while belief and this whole logic has entirely no basis, it is something that gives us strength mentally and emotionally. Have you read the Secrets book where they explained the law of attraction? Sometimes, a psychological thought can give us strength that will convert into physical strength we never knew we possessed but we actually did.


In Digimon, the psychological thought and strength was manifested and proven to be effective in helping their Digimon partners gain strength for defeating the enemy. Isn't it amazing how much power your belief can hold?

//

#03: All of us wanted to be at least one of them

One of the best selling factor of the entire Digimon series, is the diverse personalities and stories behind each chosen child. We didn't all have to be stuck with just Taichi, we could love Yamato as well!


All of us would have identified ourselves with one of the children, whoever it was. If you couldn't identify yourself with the original 8, you could still identify yourself with the later 4. If you were the introvert who preferred to keep your cool and sometimes burst, you'd love Joe. You could also be cool headed and emotional like Yamato, or hot headed and strong like Taichi.

Sometimes, you'd like the adorable Takeru who was pleasant to everyone, and sometimes you'd feel your inner nerd surface like Koushiro.


For the ladies, we all had a point where we tried to be the cool Tom Boy that Sora was, probably to end up as the mean-girl lookalike, Mimi. However, we can't deny the inner Sharpay that we all have, that resembles Mimi so much as well. Of course, all little girls wanted to be the adorable Hikari who was not afraid to have fun, cry, and be a gentle fun-loving friend to everyone else.


//

#04: There was a lot of growing up involved

Yes, the time lapse throughout the series and up till Digimon Tri was a long time as we watch Taichi go through Elementary school, Junior High, and enter Senior High in the upcoming movie. However, we also watched them grow up mentally and emotionally.


We watched as they learned so much about friendship, about love, and more importantly, about themselves. We saw them entering puberty stages - their first crush, first relationships, and love triangles even. We even managed to watch Yamato grew to become a lead singer of a student band, or Hikari growing to love taking photograph.


We witnessed Takeru growing to Yamato's height from 1999 to 2002, from barely taller than Patamon to at least 5 times Patamon's height. We also saw Mimi changing to Pink coloured hair, and then back to her natural brown again, all while looking adorable and fashionable.



We watched as they learned - sometimes it's better to take a step back, it's important to fight for what you believe in, and more importantly, sacrifices are necessary in the fight against evil.

In season 1, we saw Mimi dreading the death of Digimon, good or bad. In season 2, we saw Yolei struggling with the same purity and love for all lives alike. There, we watched as Sora and Mimi help Yolei grow the way they did, explaining to her the importance of making sacrifices for the fight against evil, despite how painful it may appear at first.


That showed the growth of not only Yolei throughout season 2, but also how much Sora and Mimi grew in 3 years.

The best part about the series wasn't just their physical growth, donning on uniforms from Junior high and trying out a new hairstyle, it was learning from their adventures and growing together with their Digimon counterparts.

However, we aren't always in a rush to grow up. In the series, we watched a few characters who never grew up. I'm not talking about the ever playful Daisuke, but the Digimon themselves. The Digimon, proving to be best partners, were always ready to remind the children of their adventures and childhood dreams.


The Digimon were patient friends, who would give them strength when they felt weak, and always awakened that adventure sense within them even when they were growing up fast. Despite having matured so much, we watch the chosen children act just the same way around their Digimon partners, playing around and crying/laughing together.

We grew up with these characters, and at the same time remembering our childhood when we see the Digimon themselves. For most of us who were at their age when the cartoon was released, we felt extremely nostalgic when Digimon Tri was announced.


Many of us, back then only 5-6 (around the age of Hikari/Takeru) have grown up to become teenagers that are entering the young adult stage in life. Just as we are preparing for this change, Digimon Tri was announced. Just like us, the children have grown up to be just about the same ages as we are, except now we are the ages of Taichi more so than Takeru.

Digimon grew up, and so did we. However, that sense of adventure that lies within us are awakened the way theirs would be when they meet their Digimon once again. The adventure begins again, and so will ours. Even at 19, I'm feeling so young. I'm feeling like I'm a little child watching television on Sunday mornings again.

We all grew up, we all learned a little more about life, but our childhood doesn't just fade away. Our childhood adventures continue to be a part of our life, a part of our memory, and will any day come back to us. When it does, our adventures will begin again.


That's, the best part about Digimon. That's what makes Digimon so different. Because they don't need to cater to a new audience, there is no need to extend the life of this series to the children today; They are starting a brand new adventure for us, the ones who grew up with the franchise. We, are the ones who will begin our adventure again, together with the children and their Digimon.

And honestly, I can't wait for this adventure to begin.


//

If I can't convince you on why Digimon is amazing and why we love it, you could read the article I pasted the link for above. It was tear jerking and I almost teared reading it, all while listening to the acoustic version of Butterfly. Have I also mentioned that I respect Wada Kouji so much, having gave his entire music career to Digimon.

I do hope to see a stronger, and healthier Wada Kouji during Digimon Tri promotions; I hope he gets well soon.


Let's hope that Digimon Tri Part 1 will prove to be an amazing beginning for our new adventures, and that we can all look forward to more adventures in the future movies!

Here's the Tri Rerecorded version of Butterfly by Wada Kouji. Having gone through so much, Wada Kouji proved that he was still an amazing singer, remaking the original classic theme song from season 1. We thank him for putting our childhood into beautiful melody.