Hello there!

I have something dying inside of me, and I might kill someone if I don't get it out by today. I feel like I have so much inside of me pouring out every moment, and I have to type it down. I'm sorry if it may sound offensive to anybody or rude. Whatever I type here is solely how I feel on some issues, and you're free to have your opinions on them. However, I don't really care for them.

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Funny how we always say this? When we're in an argument and we tell the other half "you don't even know me" because they don't get our point in argument or our views. But the occurrence of this usually occurs with someone who actually knows you personally. People who have had experiences with you, and maybe they don't see things your way? But at least they know you.

Today, I'm talking about people who barely know me. The number of things they know about me, I could count in 1 hand. In fact, maybe only 2.

1. My name is Joanna.
2. I'm dating their friend.

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That's true. And with just 2 little barely in-depth understanding about me, people can tell tales about me, as if I've pushed them down a pit or backstabbed them since the moment they were born.

That happens a lot, I know that. And I'm seldom one to really care about how people look at me. Sometimes, I tell my friends that people have their opinions and I should exercise their rights to make their own judgments, however inaccurate they may be. However, some things have really gotten on my nerves so bad that I can't hold it in much longer.

So I'm sorry, but you don't know me at all.

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People don't care that you're insecure because maybe you've had a horrible family experience since young. They only care that you're so insecure you don't believe 99% of the promises your loved ones make to you, and because of that you're an attention seeking girl that only wants to steal your loved ones' attentions from them.

People don't care that you've dated many guys because you don't want to shortchange yourself the chance of finding the right one, even if the previous relationships didn't turn out well. They don't care that you continuously give love chances, and don't want to be sore about love just because of one bad relationship (or a few). They only care that you're probably a "slut" who dates every guy you talk to and is a play girl who will never settle down for a guy. And that your boyfriend must be your toy.

People don't care that you actually cherish a relationship, believing that the person is the one who will spend the rest of their lives with you. They don't care that you put effort into spending time with the person, and tries your best to work things out well (like sorting out your differences) so that they don't end up like the previous failed relationships you've had. They only care that you're overly possessive of their loved ones and that you're selfish and not understanding.

People don't care that everyone have their differences and these differences may clash when people spend time together. They don't care that couples have arguments about over anything over the course of their relationships. They don't care that the dramas they've watched in their miserable pathetic little lives show couples that fight all the time. They don't care, also, that these couples may have had a happy ending. They only care that you're not caring for the feelings of their loved ones because you don't seem to see eye to eye with that person sometimes. They only care that you're making their loved ones miserable and unhappy, and that anybody that makes them unhappy should leave.

People don't care that you happen to have a loving relationship with their loved ones and you are soaking in bliss and happiness. They only care that they aren't feeling that happiness, and are miserably sad. They only care that they want to end your happiness so they don't feel miserable watching you.

People don't care that you have feelings. They only care that they have them too. And oh right, you're not entitled to have feelings. Because when a girl have feelings, she's overly emotional and overly sensitive. She's also bitchy and horrible to be around with because she says nasty things sometimes, and bitch about people sometimes.

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You don't know me, and you don't know what I've been through. Don't tell people you know all about love when you don't. Even though I've gone through horrible times with love (and many good times too), I don't even think I know the least bit about love.

And what rights do you have to comment about MY relationship with people who willingly want to be with me? You can have your opinion, but I don't care for it. You can make your own judgements, but you better keep that trap of yours shut before I shut you up myself.

I can be nice, nonchalant, happy-go-lucky and easy-going. I've also been known to be a horrible lover, but a good friend.

And if I can find the reason to despise your existence, you need to reflect on your miserable, pathetic little lives that have seen nothing love can do, or hate can crush.

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Loser Like Me - Glee.
This song is great.

Hello there!

I always talk about how it's been awhile, but it's been really long, or how I haven't had time to write when I'm really just watching Glee everyday and night. HAHAHAHAA. But I have been thinking of writing about this for awhile, and finally I've decided to really sit down to write it.

While sitting a little more than a metre away from my boyfriend who's playing his game on his 3DS enjoying the beginning of his holidays, and surrounding by PR notes because I'm still living in hell, I decided writing might give me a break from Glee and PR. Eeewww that combination.

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That is a very great phrase to be mentioned. It sounds highly inspirational, and it is. But it is also deathly, killing so many people on the insides for as long as men have lived. A dream, in usual context, refers to motions/visuals/sounds/situations our brain conjures up in our sleep. More often than not, we have dreams.

But we all know what that phrase meant. I have a dream, and I've had this same dream for years. Some dreams are big, some are small. Some could be to marry their boyfriend of many years, some could be to make a lot of money. Some could be to be famous, or some could be to actually lead a normal life for once.

Some people want to be surrounded by a happy family, some just want to be alone for the rest of their lives. Some people want to be teachers, doctors, lawyers. Some want to be businessmen, actors, hollywood stars.


It's a far-fetched dream, and I know it. But for as long as I've danced, I've wanted to be a dancer. For as long as I've put on those ballet shoes and moved along to the music, I've wanted to always feel that same way I did on the first dance practice. I remember fumbling about, and I remember how I still did just maybe yesterday at dance.

A good dancer or not, I have this dream. And this dream has always been with me. It's difficult, almost impossible. And that is why I've constructed other dreams, feasible and boring dreams. Dreams like starting a family with the man I love and getting a job that pays well. Dreams like buying a house with a full-length mirror and bar so I can, for a moment, relive my dream.

They say the bigger the dream, the tougher it is. The bigger the dream, the happier you'll be when you realise it. But I know I'll never realise this dream. I don't even want to be a professional dancer that is known worldwide. I just want to teach dancing, inspire young people like I was inspired. Help them make that first step.

I just want to always, have dancing, as a part of my life.

I want to listen to any music and dance to it, even when I'm 35 or 52. Dancing has taught me so much about self-expression and living without being ashamed.

10 years ago I wouldn't have been able to dance in public listening to music plugged in my earphones without giving a care about people staring at me. I wouldn't have been able to face a full theatre of people while standing in the front row centre. I wouldn't have been able to do an interview on television or dance on international events.

But dancing has taught me so much about how being ashamed of things that you love gets you nowhere. It has taught me to be shameless, because that helps so much in achieving what you really want.

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This is my dream. However far-fetched and impossible it may be, it is my dream. And it will always be my dream. We may have many dreams in our lives, but nothing will come quite as close as the one that will always be in the back of our heads despite tough times and happy moments.

Even if I know it's not what I see myself doing in the future, even if I know it's impossible, I have this dream. And I love having this dream.

When we're young, we're given the privilege to dream big dreams. We're given the chance to dream of something so incredible we'll laugh at ourselves a few years later, thinking how silly we were back then. But when we're young, we don't know that dancing don't really pay bills and gives you an unstable lifestyle. We don't know any of that.

But we do know that we have that dream. And however tough it may seem sometimes, when our instructor is scolding us for not being able to catch that move or being singled out for doing something wrong ... We believe in that dream.

And now that I'm growing up, I'm seeing life as it is. Dancing is difficult, almost impossible. But dancing is my dream. And I am so proud to have this dream. Not everybody dreams big, but everybody wishes, till their death bed, that they had a chance to realise this dream.

I don't need to realise this dream. I just need it to be there, regardless. It's what keeps me alive, breathing, and happy everyday. It's what keeps me going.

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