Hi world (: This post ain't gonna be about how my days have been,
'cause I'll probably blog about that on Monday when more days have passed ! Today marks the beginning of June, and I want to talk about it ..
Summing up my May as well ♥
Well .. May hasn't exactly been a smooth-flowing month, or a simple one at that. There were many complications in my life,
many changes and many things I realized/learnt in that 31 days (: There were
happy and bad days,
extreme emotions ..
But also generally happiness ^^ I can't sum up all 31 days in a post,
but I'll talk about it generally alright :D
Firstly,
May made me realize how I was neglecting a lot of friends I promised to stay close to .. ♥ People like my '96 dancers, 402, NHNP, D.I Dancers and my NH Juniors )': I kept telling Ms Teo that I'll go back and help Dance
but honestly .. I didn't.
Sometimes I feel so guilty but I don't ever seem to find the time to go back. I haven't been hanging out with those I spent 4 years with, and I feel real bad.
Some people said I've changed since I came into NP ♥ Some say it's for the worst, some say it's just neutral .______. Honestly, I don't know anymore.
Secondly,
May made me realize how I don't dance anymore. I can literally count the amount of days I danced in May with one hand .. )':
And it's a terrible feeling ~
Many of my new friends probably don't know, but I genuinely love dance a lot ! ♥ It's like an escape for me, and it's something I'm so dedicated to ^^
NH people will understand how much I love dance. And any NH Dancer should know, t
hat terrible feeling of not being able to dance as much.
I miss Dancing.
Next ..
Studies. It's not exactly a topic that I'm keen on talking about,
but I really should get it off my chest. I have major insecurities about studies. Anyone from NH will
always say "Joanna don't need study also can A one lah, scared what?" but that was the past.
Yep, amazing past, ♥ Hahahah days when I can heck everything and still pass my exams :P But it's no longer this way ok -.-
Now I really need to mug.
And that sucks. Major.
//.
Lastly ..
Maybe, emotions.
I realized that I've been very emotional in May. And I hate myself for that.
It's been almost 2 years since I've become so emotional ): I used to be really easy-going and heck-care about everything ^^ Ok, it isn't necessarily a good thing ..
But I miss the days when I was drifted from everything so I didn't have to commit to anything !! ♥ Those were the good old days :D
I mean ..
I love having commitments as well ♥ It means I'm close and attached to something. But I don't like the idea of
being so committed and feeling so into something ): 'Cause when I try to detach myself from it,
it's not easy ~
And I guess another partial emotional part of me is because of him. But I can't bring myself to say anything out anymore.
'Cause I feel like he's going to feel horrible and I don't want him to feel that. I didn't tell anyone that I posted this post,
so it's unlikely that you'd be seeing this until the next time I announce my post on Twitter ^^
//.
For you, you're amazing. You're special .. important. I didn't want things to escalate this way,
I really didn't. I'm sorry if you felt bothered,
if you felt unhappy about how things are now .. It's really terrible and I'm sorry for every bit of it.
I just wish you knew that you're really that one in a million. For the past one over month,
you've been so amazing ♥♥ Everything about you is great ..
Special. It probably is different for you as it is for me, but
I've really been very happy this one over month because of you (': They say that it's a crush,
but I'm willing to admit that it's a crush as each day continue passing by anyway, ♥
I can't say that I'm so incredibly in love with you that I'd die without you,
'cause that ain't true. And I can't say that I'm so crazy over you that I wanna marry you 'cause that's rubbish as well !! *Inserts WTH? Emoji*
But you're definitely someone that makes me look forward to each day ♥
You're that one person I will keep thinking of when I wake up, before I sleep (:
You're that person I really wish I will see in school, hope I wake up to a text to, fall asleep texting, ♥♥ It's that feeling when someone makes you really happy and
you wish things continue staying so amazing ^^ And now I know
it's a lil' awkward with bits and pieces here ..
But I wish you knew that everything you did for me in the past one over month made me feel really blessed ~
Intentional or not, you've been the best part about May ♥
And I know June is
going to bring about a hell load of changes ..
Whatever your answer may be. And I know things probably won't go as well as before.
But I know, that I'm still going to find something to smile about, ♥ Something, you.
//.
Anyway I'll be going to
study with Darren later before Cultural Potpourri ^^
Supposed to be studying with Yongjian, Zhenyang and Yixiang but I kinda PSK ):
I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you all alright !! ♥
LOADS OF LOVE FOR MY NHNP ♥♥♥ 
Joanna
